Monday I talked to my sister-in-law. She is heart broken. My brother has left her. I was shocked. Blown away to be for sure. My life story is becoming more and more complicated. What I used to see as black and white is becoming smeared and smudged. People are all shades of gray. God is who paints the colors. Wounds turn to scars...over time. The scar remains to remind us of past pain and shows us we have prevailed and endured the pain. Not necessarily with grace, and certainly not with out feeling. (Oh to feel...)
Some scars are on the surface for others to see. Some are hidden. Others are seen as beauty marks instead of blemishes. Some scars are light, and others dark and ugly. Some scars remind of past choices and mistakes. Yet others are from the choices and actions of others. It doesn't diminish the pain felt in the moment.
Speaking of moments. Moments are crazy things. One moment you are flying on top of the world. The next moment you have face planted. If you believe in God you know He is there to lift you and help you brush off...if you ask for His help. One moment you believe there is something more out there, and the next moment you feel left alone, with no where to turn, no one who can understand. We cherish some moments, looking back in fondness and love. Others are painful and and yet they can teach us things only taught through experience alone.
Tomorrow will be a new day. The picture that was supposed to be will be changed...again but just as real as ever before. What will I make of my master piece in the making? What will you make of yours?
Showing posts with label overcoming frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overcoming frustration. Show all posts
Thursday, June 29, 2017
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Just Be Held
Through these times of change and discomfort I am learning that when I turn to the Lord the storm may not instantly cease, however, through Him I can find peace, comfort and direction. He helps me ride out the storm a little more gracefully. I am finding as I go through these storms there are lessons I can take from them. I am not always graceful, and it is okay. I don't always understand where things are headed, and that too is okay. However when I turn my trust to the Lord I can usually look back and see his steps along side mine, I find insight at times, comfort at others, but He is there and He understands. He is Patient with me and loves me, just like the next person. He loves my imperfection.
So instead of fighting Him all independent like, thinking I should be able to do it on my own, or like I have something to prove. I should take a breath, step back and allow Him to hold me. Allow myself to be taught. I need to be humble.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Words
In my last post I made a mistake. I said words are temporal. Really, the problem is that words are not temporal. Once they have been said and heard, they can not be taken back. Words are permanent. It is the feelings behind those words that are temporal. Things can be said out of hurt, out of anger, or frustration...Words are used to express what we feel, think, imagine, experience.
The lesson I have repeatedly learned lately is that we should only speak worlds of love, comfort, kindness, gratitude, cheer, we should build others up... you know the saying, we have all heard it: "If you cant say anything nice...don't say anything at all." I am beginning to believe parents don't just say this to make life difficult or lay on a guilt trip. Whoever started this phrase experienced for themselves consequences, and it is quite possible they were trying to save us from self-inflicted future grief.
Words can crucify a person, yet give another hope. They can torment forever or give comfort in moments where we feel alone or in deep despair. Words can be recalled through experiences, moments, sometimes they just come to mind. It is said that actions speak louder than words. I believe this whole heartily, but I do believe this doesn't take the cut out of words, or the healing that comes from words. Especially when delivered by the right or wrong person.
With all of this said, realize there are moments in our pasts that we will regret, and have to deal with sometime. And when you are dealing with other peoples wills, sometimes we have to do all we can to make amends. Once we have done all we can, we need to turn it over to the Lord and let Him carry the burden. He knows how to mold us as individuals and he will help the other side understand... someday. And if He doesn't right away it is okay because He will.
With that said, I am learning we need to be sincere and kind to others. When we aren't feeling it, there is no problem with walking away. It is that simple. Don't give them the opportunity to say something they will later regret. If they follow you and taunt you remember you have a big brother on your side and really, if we are not needing His forgiveness at the moment, He can and will help us forgive the other person. That way our pack can be light weight rather than the heavy with the overbearing weight that comes from holding onto and embracing anger, hate, and animosity. He will replace those feelings with peace, love, comfort and at times even understanding.
The lesson I have repeatedly learned lately is that we should only speak worlds of love, comfort, kindness, gratitude, cheer, we should build others up... you know the saying, we have all heard it: "If you cant say anything nice...don't say anything at all." I am beginning to believe parents don't just say this to make life difficult or lay on a guilt trip. Whoever started this phrase experienced for themselves consequences, and it is quite possible they were trying to save us from self-inflicted future grief.
Words can crucify a person, yet give another hope. They can torment forever or give comfort in moments where we feel alone or in deep despair. Words can be recalled through experiences, moments, sometimes they just come to mind. It is said that actions speak louder than words. I believe this whole heartily, but I do believe this doesn't take the cut out of words, or the healing that comes from words. Especially when delivered by the right or wrong person.
With all of this said, realize there are moments in our pasts that we will regret, and have to deal with sometime. And when you are dealing with other peoples wills, sometimes we have to do all we can to make amends. Once we have done all we can, we need to turn it over to the Lord and let Him carry the burden. He knows how to mold us as individuals and he will help the other side understand... someday. And if He doesn't right away it is okay because He will.
With that said, I am learning we need to be sincere and kind to others. When we aren't feeling it, there is no problem with walking away. It is that simple. Don't give them the opportunity to say something they will later regret. If they follow you and taunt you remember you have a big brother on your side and really, if we are not needing His forgiveness at the moment, He can and will help us forgive the other person. That way our pack can be light weight rather than the heavy with the overbearing weight that comes from holding onto and embracing anger, hate, and animosity. He will replace those feelings with peace, love, comfort and at times even understanding.
Friday, April 19, 2013
A Lesson on Forgivness
Forgiveness is a lesson that continues to confront me. When I think I might just have mastered it (maybe?) I realize there is more to it still. Last night I was expressing some frustration on this subject with one of my children. I feel like I have forgiven individuals, but at the same time I don't feel I can trust them again. I grow tired of the pain they inflict. When the subject comes up it is a tender subject for me, my feelings are still fresh. As I talked with my son he shared with me some thoughts or ideas he has felt he has learned on the subject.As he Shared, it seemed to make sense.
We are asked to forgive others their trespasses. No where in the scriptures are we instructed to forget. We are instructed to use righteous judgement. If you know someone has a tendency and that tendency has repeated itself, you can judge that tendency. You don't have to put yourself in the situation of being lashed out at again. In forgiving an individual it is alright to remove yourself from future situations that can cause you discomfort, and that individual an opportunity to dig a deeper hole for themselves. In doing this you can find peace, and spare that individual sin.
In doing this it doesn't mean you go out of your way to flee them or turn your back on them. When they turn to you for help, you can treat them like children of a loving Father. In doing so we find the opportunity to exercise and develop charity, the Christ like love we have been commanded to desire and obtain. As we forgive we can find peace in turning it over to the Savior. The Savior can give us the tools to work with as we strive to become successful in our own dealings with life's little adventures.
It is amazing to me how keenly thought out Heavenly Father's plan is. He never takes from us our agency. As we learn to turn our will to His we can find peace in unexpected places by means we may not have considered. Strength can be found in those moments we feel we may buckle any moment to the weight of the world. What a blessing to have an older brother who loves us as He does, and Father who has trusted us as He has.
Update: In searching for help and comfort I came upon this article and thought I would make it available. https://www.lds.org/ensign/1991/06/of-you-it-is-required-to-forgive?lang=eng
We are asked to forgive others their trespasses. No where in the scriptures are we instructed to forget. We are instructed to use righteous judgement. If you know someone has a tendency and that tendency has repeated itself, you can judge that tendency. You don't have to put yourself in the situation of being lashed out at again. In forgiving an individual it is alright to remove yourself from future situations that can cause you discomfort, and that individual an opportunity to dig a deeper hole for themselves. In doing this you can find peace, and spare that individual sin.
In doing this it doesn't mean you go out of your way to flee them or turn your back on them. When they turn to you for help, you can treat them like children of a loving Father. In doing so we find the opportunity to exercise and develop charity, the Christ like love we have been commanded to desire and obtain. As we forgive we can find peace in turning it over to the Savior. The Savior can give us the tools to work with as we strive to become successful in our own dealings with life's little adventures.
It is amazing to me how keenly thought out Heavenly Father's plan is. He never takes from us our agency. As we learn to turn our will to His we can find peace in unexpected places by means we may not have considered. Strength can be found in those moments we feel we may buckle any moment to the weight of the world. What a blessing to have an older brother who loves us as He does, and Father who has trusted us as He has.
Update: In searching for help and comfort I came upon this article and thought I would make it available. https://www.lds.org/ensign/1991/06/of-you-it-is-required-to-forgive?lang=eng
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Precept upon Precept
The other day I was sharing with a friend what I had felt the Lord has been trying to teach me. I shared it with you two entries ago. You know where there are people placed in my circle who don't want my help. As I explained to her how I had been feeling she interrupted me and told me that there may be another way to look at it as well.
Through my learning I had felt I should just pull away from individuals and give up on them. While agreeing with me this friend gracefully disagreed, but not telling me I was totally wrong. Instead she said that there was another way too look at it. It was alright to take a step back. It is quite possible that the Lord needs my emphasis else where. Namely in raising the children I have in my immediate care. I need to put my emphasis on being a wife and mother.
Anyone not with in that realm are bonus. There are those who don't want my help at this time. I can't help them at this time, and it is okay. It is not expected of me to do so. Right now God does expect of me to teach my children, to raise them up and help them to have a place of refuge from the world, a place where they know they are loved unconditionally.
While thinking about this I think I am beginning to understand something else. While there are those I would love to help and lift now(who aren't ready to receive that hand that I have stretched out for them.) God has place others who are capable of doing that which I can not. There is the possibility that one day those individuals will realize my attempt and be grateful for it. So instead of giving up on them, per se, I need to focus on the task at hand. In the future if an individual changes their mind, I can be prepared to receive their change of heart, because I too allowed the Savior to work on me.
A couple of years ago I had told my husband I would rather be in hell than have to deal with some personalities. He told me that was the most selfish thing he had heard me say. (I felt like that was a slap.) Over time I am discovering how selfish that thought really was. Not only was it selfish, but it was allowing the adversary to win. If I am doing the best on my part to do good and return to Live with Heavenly Father, the Savior is going to help, and he will make up the difference for me. Not only will he do this for me, but for my brothers and sisters I don't always agree with.
That being the case, If there is someone I can't necessarily work with at the moment, it is okay to turn them over to the Lord. Who knows better how to handle them than the Savior. For that mater, who knows better how to handle me? Now if He can handle any one of us, than why do I have to assume things are going to be so uncomfortable in the next life.
All in all, His expectations of me are to give Him my best. After I have given my best He will make up the difference. This does not excuse me from being kind to others and trying to help them. It does however give me the power to move forward. We did fight for our agency in the first place. We continue to, so why not use it to rely on the Savior and learn to become like him. I know some of this sounds like babbling, but some of it may make some sense as well.
Thanks for understanding...if not some what.
Through my learning I had felt I should just pull away from individuals and give up on them. While agreeing with me this friend gracefully disagreed, but not telling me I was totally wrong. Instead she said that there was another way too look at it. It was alright to take a step back. It is quite possible that the Lord needs my emphasis else where. Namely in raising the children I have in my immediate care. I need to put my emphasis on being a wife and mother.
Anyone not with in that realm are bonus. There are those who don't want my help at this time. I can't help them at this time, and it is okay. It is not expected of me to do so. Right now God does expect of me to teach my children, to raise them up and help them to have a place of refuge from the world, a place where they know they are loved unconditionally.
While thinking about this I think I am beginning to understand something else. While there are those I would love to help and lift now(who aren't ready to receive that hand that I have stretched out for them.) God has place others who are capable of doing that which I can not. There is the possibility that one day those individuals will realize my attempt and be grateful for it. So instead of giving up on them, per se, I need to focus on the task at hand. In the future if an individual changes their mind, I can be prepared to receive their change of heart, because I too allowed the Savior to work on me.
A couple of years ago I had told my husband I would rather be in hell than have to deal with some personalities. He told me that was the most selfish thing he had heard me say. (I felt like that was a slap.) Over time I am discovering how selfish that thought really was. Not only was it selfish, but it was allowing the adversary to win. If I am doing the best on my part to do good and return to Live with Heavenly Father, the Savior is going to help, and he will make up the difference for me. Not only will he do this for me, but for my brothers and sisters I don't always agree with.
That being the case, If there is someone I can't necessarily work with at the moment, it is okay to turn them over to the Lord. Who knows better how to handle them than the Savior. For that mater, who knows better how to handle me? Now if He can handle any one of us, than why do I have to assume things are going to be so uncomfortable in the next life.
All in all, His expectations of me are to give Him my best. After I have given my best He will make up the difference. This does not excuse me from being kind to others and trying to help them. It does however give me the power to move forward. We did fight for our agency in the first place. We continue to, so why not use it to rely on the Savior and learn to become like him. I know some of this sounds like babbling, but some of it may make some sense as well.
Thanks for understanding...if not some what.
Monday, September 27, 2010
The Atonement
When we want to be different but find it hard is when we need the Lord most in our lives. Whether we are angry with the world, angry with ourselves, angry at an individual, whatever the circumstances. I have had a recent struggle. It was both personal and shared. Individual in the fact that I had been holding a lot of feelings in that needed out. Shared in the fact that I let them out, but in a very disdainful manner.
As I have tried to work through this, other "things" were directed at me that hurt. These things only made me more angry, and feel more justified for the feelings that had been expressed by myself. I had no intention of letting those feelings be exposed. However a situation arose and the anger was exposed.
In all honesty I thought to myself, "This must be what a damned soul feels." I asked for help. I was counseled to speak with my husband and do a lot of praying. Then in a meeting this past weekend we were reminded that doing just the simplest of things will make us strong and help us through our difficult times. There were four simple steps. 1. Prayer. 2. Studying the scriptures. 3 Obedience, and 4. Service. I don't remember all that was said on each of those, but I will share with you what I learned today.
I have been trying to be prayerful through this whole ordeal. I have been trying to read and apply the scriptures to myself.(A funny side not is that I have been reading the war chapters). I have even tried to be obedient. However, I have found myself looking in and being totally consumed with the happenings of the past couple of weeks that I have not been able to look out and see who may be struggling as I am.
In a conversation with my husband where I was expressing some of my anger and hurt, when I finished he lovingly said: "I worry because as you express this it only seems to anger you more." He was right. I had been feeling the anger building up as I went. I began to pull things from the distant past to justify. I decided not to express anymore. Today I stopped by his office he made another comment: "You know, I know it makes you feel good when this individual asks you to make her a special dish, I bet it makes her feel good that she can request it and know you are more than happy to make it." That was the end of that conversation, and we changed scenes per sei.
Later when I had some time to rest and think to myself I thought that is not the only thing this individual has ever done to give me warm fuzzies. Instead of letting this individual hear the things that hurt, maybe I could put emphasis on the things this person has done to raise me up. I was actually able to come up with several things.
I think I need to begin a tradition my mother had with me and share it with those around me. Have you ever heard of Operation Nice? It is similar. Only instead of random acts of kindness for strangers, she would do random acts of kindness for family and friends. This would be a great way to look outside myself and serve others. I know I don't have many readers as of yet, but I hope that if you are ever feeling overwhelmed by anger, frustration or whatever, know first that it is alright as long as you recognize it and are trying to do differently. Then I would suggest that the four steps above can also help. It may not change everything, but It will change your heart. That I think is the workings of the atonement.
As I have tried to work through this, other "things" were directed at me that hurt. These things only made me more angry, and feel more justified for the feelings that had been expressed by myself. I had no intention of letting those feelings be exposed. However a situation arose and the anger was exposed.
In all honesty I thought to myself, "This must be what a damned soul feels." I asked for help. I was counseled to speak with my husband and do a lot of praying. Then in a meeting this past weekend we were reminded that doing just the simplest of things will make us strong and help us through our difficult times. There were four simple steps. 1. Prayer. 2. Studying the scriptures. 3 Obedience, and 4. Service. I don't remember all that was said on each of those, but I will share with you what I learned today.
I have been trying to be prayerful through this whole ordeal. I have been trying to read and apply the scriptures to myself.(A funny side not is that I have been reading the war chapters). I have even tried to be obedient. However, I have found myself looking in and being totally consumed with the happenings of the past couple of weeks that I have not been able to look out and see who may be struggling as I am.
In a conversation with my husband where I was expressing some of my anger and hurt, when I finished he lovingly said: "I worry because as you express this it only seems to anger you more." He was right. I had been feeling the anger building up as I went. I began to pull things from the distant past to justify. I decided not to express anymore. Today I stopped by his office he made another comment: "You know, I know it makes you feel good when this individual asks you to make her a special dish, I bet it makes her feel good that she can request it and know you are more than happy to make it." That was the end of that conversation, and we changed scenes per sei.
Later when I had some time to rest and think to myself I thought that is not the only thing this individual has ever done to give me warm fuzzies. Instead of letting this individual hear the things that hurt, maybe I could put emphasis on the things this person has done to raise me up. I was actually able to come up with several things.
I think I need to begin a tradition my mother had with me and share it with those around me. Have you ever heard of Operation Nice? It is similar. Only instead of random acts of kindness for strangers, she would do random acts of kindness for family and friends. This would be a great way to look outside myself and serve others. I know I don't have many readers as of yet, but I hope that if you are ever feeling overwhelmed by anger, frustration or whatever, know first that it is alright as long as you recognize it and are trying to do differently. Then I would suggest that the four steps above can also help. It may not change everything, but It will change your heart. That I think is the workings of the atonement.
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