Reflections

I have been frustrated lately. Its obvious I know. So I have decided to make a list of things I am grateful for. Mainly as a reminder of all of the great blessings I have in my life.
       
1.     I am married to and sealed to my best friend.
2.     I have a big brother that loves me so much He gave his life for me.
3.     I have been blessed to have wonderful children placed in my stewardship.
4.     I am thankful for the scriptures and know they bring us closer to God and Christ.
5.     I live in a day age where Christ's church has been fully restored upon the earth. I can receive all of His promised blessings.
6.     I have been blessed with many talents.
7.     I have blessed with a handful of amazing friends.
8.     I am blessed to be surrounded by people who know me.
9.     I am blessed to have older children who don't mind helping me with the younger children.
10.   I love spring time. I love to see flowers blooming.
11.   Speaking of flowers, I love tulips and daisies...and forget me nots.
12.   I love that I am able to say home and raise my children, and I can watch them grow. 
13.   I love listening to and reading the words of our living prophet.
14.   I loved going to Time out for Women for the first time and being spiritually fed.
15.   I love to listen to others share how the Savior is working in their lives.
16.   I have to admit I live thunder storms and watching the lightning dance across the sky.
17.   I was raised by two converts to the church. They raised me well.
18.   I know that Heavenly Father loves and cares for me.
19.   I know the atonement was made for me.
20.   I love General Conference. I can't express with words how much, but I love it.
21.   I am blessed to have a wonder family, immediate and extended.
22.   I love watching my children experience life and enjoy learning.
23.   I love bright vibrant colors, be it in flowers, inks, paints, fabric, sunsets, scrapping papers, children's art work, stained glass, the rich colors of autumn and spring...I love bright rich colors.
24.   I love listening to water rather in a brook, waterfall, or fountain.
24.   I love the warmth felt when the sun kisses you on a summer day.
25.   I love listening to rain fall on the roof or hit the window pane.
26.   I enjoy doing acts of service.
27.   I find peace in creating, and watching my children create.
28.   I enjoy canning tomatoes with my husband in the late summer evenings.
29.   I love feeling the wind in my hair when I ride my bike.
30.   I love holding hands with my hubby when we go shopping.
31.   I love just chatting with mu hubby about the kids, his work, or the day to day goings ons.
32.   I love calling my parents and telling them about the latest with my children.
33.   I am grateful that my husband holds and honors his priesthood responsibilities.
34.   I love when my children come up and give me an unexpected hug. (It warms me to the bone. I melt.)
35.   I love listening to a beautiful piece of music, be it instrumental, or vocal.
36.   I love memories of Brazil.
37.   I struggle with being human at times more than others. Then again, this makes me more thankful for the atonement.
38.   I enjoy watching people enjoying their talents and blessings.
39.   I love those quite moments when the Lord inspires you and tells you He know you can do it, He is there to help.
40.   I am thankful for the example the Savior set in doing the Fathers will and not His own. It is a hard one to follow at times, but I know with His help I can do anything.
41.   I love sunny days.
42.   I love road trips.
43.   I love lazy afternoons.
44.   I love roasting marshmallows over a fire and chatting with our children.
45.   I love spring. The smells, sights and sounds of spring are all reminders that there is always another day. We can start anew and with a fresh slate.
46.   I love when my husband holds me in his arms and tells me he loves me.
47.   I love sticky cotton candy.
48.   I love visiting with my siblings and cousins. They know me and love me just the same. I love them just the same.
49.   I love the smell of clean laundry. I love how if feels when it first comes out of the dryer.
50.   I love folding laundry. It is relaxing to me. However I hate sorting socks.
51.   I enjoy washing dishes. It gives me time to think and I feel like my worries are washed away with the scum I scrub off.
52.   I enjoy mopping the floor by hand. I see the scum come off and get to scrub out frustration. When I am done I can look around and see the reward of my work.
53.   I love to day dream.
54.   I enjoy going to the gym and feeling sore after words.
55.   I love visiting my husband at work, he always lights up to see me.
56.   I love teaching my little princess how to do things, her creativity astounds me.
57.   I love watching my little mans mind at work. The way he perceives the world is so unique to me.
58.   I love holding my youngest one. I know that he and the others are going to be all too soon gorwn for that and I try to embrace each opportunity given to me.
59.   I enjoy exploring with my husband and children.
60.   I love spending time with those who care and mater most to me.
61.   I enjoy being a parent. Sure it has its moments, but the rewards make it so worth it.
62.   I enjoy watching my children laugh and enjoy each other.
63.   I love when I can visit with a kindred spirit and our children get along.
64.   I am thankful for my testimony of the gospel and Gods love for me.
65.   I love those white fluffy clouds on hot sunny days.
66.   I love being able to sit down once in a while and being able to enjoy a good book.
67.   I enjoy those moments when I can sit and relax in a warm bath and think over the day or week.
68.   I am grateful for the in-laws I have.
69.   I love listening to the violin.
70.   I love listening to the piano. Most string instruments for that mater.
71.   I am blessed to have some amazing friends.
72.   I love flowers. Really I do.
73.   I love looking at life photography.
74.   I love dreaming and seeing those dreams become realities. (I need to do more of it.)
75.   I love the smell of bred baking.
76.   I love the smell of apple pie baking as well. 
77.   I enjoy going to the library with my hubby and reading a good magazine.
78.   I enjoy bowling with my husband.
79.   I enjoy watching a good  movie snuggled up to my hubby.
80.   I love staying up late with one of my older boys and discussing life and the lessons it provides.
81.   I love a big mug of hot chocolate on a winter evening with almond joy creamer in it.
82.   I love being reminded of these many great blessing I have in my life. There are many more, but it is late.

A Lesson on Forgivness

Forgiveness is a lesson that continues to confront me. When I think I might just have mastered it (maybe?) I realize there is more to it still. Last night I was expressing some frustration on this subject with one of my children. I feel like I have forgiven individuals, but at the same time I don't feel I can trust them again. I grow tired of the pain they inflict. When the subject comes up it is a tender subject for me, my feelings are still fresh. As I talked with my son he shared with me some thoughts or ideas he has felt he has learned on the subject.As he Shared, it seemed to make sense.

We are asked to forgive others their trespasses. No where in the scriptures are we instructed to forget. We are instructed to use righteous judgement. If you know someone has a tendency and that tendency has repeated itself, you can judge that tendency. You don't have to put yourself in the situation of being lashed out at again. In forgiving an individual it is alright to remove yourself from future situations that can cause you discomfort, and that individual an opportunity to dig a deeper hole for themselves. In doing this you can find peace, and spare that individual sin.

In doing this it doesn't mean you go out of your way to flee them or turn your back on them. When they turn to you for help, you can treat them like children of a loving Father. In doing so we find the opportunity to exercise and develop charity, the Christ like love we have been commanded to desire and obtain. As we forgive we can find peace in turning it over to the Savior. The Savior can give us the tools to work with as we strive to become successful in our own dealings with life's little adventures.

It is amazing to me how keenly thought out Heavenly Father's plan is. He never takes from us our agency. As we learn to turn our will to His we can find peace in unexpected places by means we may not have considered. Strength can be found in those moments we feel we may buckle any moment to the weight of the world. What a blessing to have an older brother who loves us as He does, and Father who has trusted us as He has.

Update: In searching for help and comfort I came upon this article and thought I would make it available. https://www.lds.org/ensign/1991/06/of-you-it-is-required-to-forgive?lang=eng

The Greatest Tool

"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings."

While in the MTC (Mission Training Center)preparing for a mission I came across this in my studies. Since that day I have had opportunities where it has been explained to me and a light put on it if will. (David A. Bednar expounded on this in his October 2008 address regarding to prayer.) I have also had moments where I feel like Heavenly Father has blessed me with experiences to teach and enlighten my mind.

Monday when the bombings happened in Boston I had a friend of mine who had participated in the marathon. She is expecting and her hubby and two friends had gone to support her. Before the race her family had fasted and prayed for her to not have complications. As the news came out me and many others were praying that she would be okay along with those who had been with her. I was expressing to another friend that I wish I could be there to help out. I feel like I have been on the side lines for too many things lately, though I feel blessed to be in that position, I have felt 'limited' or helpless in the assistance I am able offer. As I expressed my frustration, I told her I feel like all I can do at times is pray. (In saying that I felt like it was very little.)

However as I have read my marathon runners experience and the experiences of those with her I am realizing what a powerful tool we have in prayer. Prayer doesn't necessarily eliminate pain and suffering. However it can strengthen those looking for strength,  it can lift those who feel weak, and yes, it can even provide protection. 

Besides my friend coming out unscathed from this weeks events, there are stories throughout the scriptures where prayer has provided that same protection. The situations were different, but they were the same in many regards. Alma the elder prayed that his son's heart would be softened. Not only was it softened but he became an amazing missionary, along with his friends, the sons of Mosiah. Their lives were spared countless times because of the prayers of their fathers and many of their own. There are the Stripling Warriors whose lives were spared through the faith of their mothers and of their own. 

In my own experience I have seen prayer heal others, strengthen some, and soften the hearts of yet others. As I read my friends experience Monday evening and Tuesday as she has put it out I have come to realize that I have not been utilizing some of the greatest tools the Lord has made available to me. I am renewed in my desire to rely more upon Him. Who else can bless the lives of those I love better than anyone else? He knows and loves us individually. He knows what will be best for us and those in our lives, what will bring us the greatest happiness in the long run. If we trust this we are able to experience an inner peace that can not be found any other way.

Lovely

Lovely

Weeds

My children are growing like weeds. It is crazy how time flies! I was looking at my wedding pictures the other day and The youngest of the old ones(Sorry, that came from reading Skippy Jon Jones books *grin*) is getting to be quite the young man. When I joined the picture he was seven. now he is talking about when he will be driving...which is just around the bend.

I have had three more since that day, and the middle one will be starting kindergarten this fall. Where does the time go? And the smallest of the small ones is getting better with verbally communicating, when he is hungry he is great at helping himself into the fridge, and cupboards. My little princess is more of a tomboy princess, the other day when dropping her off to school one of the boys in her class ran to catch up with her, grabbed her hand and walked with her to class.

I love being able to enjoy little glimpses of my children as they are growing up. I love even more that I can be around to see more than glimpses. Still there are those glimpses that feel big in such a precious way. I hope as they grow they know they are my little world, that I love them, and that I am trying to teach them what they need to be strong and brave as they grow and face the world.

Life is Fragile

This week had been a roller coaster. On that ride I have come to see how fragile life really is, and how one moment can change so much.

Monday my brother stopped in and visited! It was great, it seems like I see less of him than I do my parents who live in another state. We visited for a little while and then he had to go and pick up his wife and run some errands. As he left I had thought to myself how nice it would be if we could see more of each other.

The next day proved to be an answer to that wish. (In a way I would chose for no one.) My Sister-in-law was in a terrible accident. We had just had a hail/ice storm Monday night. She had returned to town to have a tooth worked on, and on her way home she had hit black ice which caused her to be thrown into a ditch and her vehicle to roll several times. Instead of rolling from side, top, to side again the roll was from front, top, back, wheels, front and landed on the top. She had been wearing her seat belt, but was somehow thrown form the vehicle and ended up having one of her legs pinned. The emergency rescue told my brother she is lucky to be alive.

Tuesday I had gone and visited him for a couple of hours and then came home whipped out from the days events. Yesterday I stayed home and did my thing. This morning when I went to see how she was doing my brother was happier and seemed to be optimistic about everything.

After visiting with him for a little while the Dr. came and asked to talk to him. Because of the pain my sister-in-law was suffering they were unable to take a good cat scan, but with her high white blood count, change in skin tone, and a low grade fever the Dr. was concerned of infection, that it was possible her bowls had received injury. He explained they needed to preform another surgery to go in and see what was going on. The Dr. tried to be optimistic about things, but he didn't sugar coat anything. The surgery could take up to 4 hours.

She has come out of her surgery. They did find that because of her seat belt there were several things the cat scan had missed. However, the Dr. was able to take care of those things and so we are told things are looking better and should be on the up from here. She will remain in ICU a couple more days so they can monitor everything.

As you can see, it had been a wild ride. We are having a family fast for her this weekend. If anyone would like to join us, the added blessings would be appreciated.

Thanks!