Negativity

I have found myself being negative. Some may think this is my normal self. However, I look back, and I used to be pretty easy going. I would like to think I still am, I am just being handed a different selection from the trial bin and am not dealing with it as gracefully as I would like to imagine that I am. With that admission out there I am going to try something and see if I can change it.

Last year I was invited from some friends to begin studying the scriptures again. I will gladly tell you I am doing much better at it than I have for a little while. It feels good. Then the other day I was visiting with some other friends and they asked me how my relationship is with God? I have to admit I have been struggling with this one. I know He is there. I know He loves His children. I know this, but some how think I am exempt.

Over the past...I don't know ho long ago I have turned from Him. Some out of hurt, some out of anger. In turning from Him I have done things more to go through the motions rather than to develop and nurture a relationship I have cherished in the past. Maybe some of it has been mistaken pride? I have thought I need to prove to Him where my heart is, and I have to so it alone.

As I was reading my scriptures a while back I had a scripture stand out. In Second Nephi it read:


19 And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.

 20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

 21 And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and the only and true doctrine of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is one God, without end. Amen.

I added the italics, because that is what stood out. In reading that I realized something. I am not expected to prove myself alone. In fact I can't. I need my older brother, and only through him can I return to my Father.

As I talked with my other friends the other day I realized that Heavenly Father still speaks to me, He is approaching it a little differently, but He is still there, He still loves me, and He wants to have a relationship with me as a loving Father. His arms are still open. 

So I am going to try and be better at studying the scriptures with more of a purpose, and open heart. I am going to try and be more sincere in my prayers, knowing that He wants to hear me, He wants to talk with me, and He will listen, even if it is just me. He loves me. I am also try to write in my Journal more so I can see Him work in my life. This is my plan at the moment. I want to be more positive and see more of His work in my life, I can't think of a better way to recognize it. Can you?

Have you ever caught yourself being negative or complaining? (My Hand is waving..ooh! Ohh! Pick me, pick me!) I do, I catch myself more often than I would like to admit. I have a dear friend who told me once, that I invent things to worry about and then get frustrated over. I was just a bit offended when I first heard this because I felt what I had been sharing with her saying.

Since that conversation however I have had a couple glimpses of my self, and then others. I have come to realize two things. First, the Grass is always greener on the other side (though it is just as hard to maintain). Second that when life gives us lemons we have two choices, one to squeeze the juice into our wounds (not the best option) or, we can make lemonade or lemon bars (Definitely less painful and better results right?)

As I observed this I came to realize something. I am indeed very blessed. There isn't enough time or space to list my blessings (besides I don't want to brag *grin*). However I do want to share somethings I am learning about myself. Sometimes when I am complaining it is because I am wanting the other individual to understand that I might understand them a little. Other times it is because I am forgetting my blessings and that darn lemon juice does sting when it touches a fresh wound. Dang. I am a whiner. Double dang.

Through my life lessons though I am discovering that there are more often than not other sides to the story. With that being said most often I don't even have a clue about the other story, I don't really understand and frankly the other side might be greener, but who is to say that while mowing their side the other individual didn't have some nasty weeds they had to deal with before they moved in? I am finding while it is easy to be negative, and critical of others we should try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean who is to say that the night before they were up till wee hours in the morning trying to help someone else. I know there are times I am hoping that others have given me the benefit of the doubt. I am as flawed as they come. There are a lot of great people out there, hoping the same will be shown them. Only they may have had heavier mowers to push, or their mower may be in the shop. It is easy to look over the fence and judge, but it is hard when others look over and judge our lawn.

I have been working on recognizing my blessings more and not living as in the moment. In recognizing my blessings I have realized that there are many people out there who have had it harder than me. Some of these individuals have made the best lemonade I have tasted. I have the right to have my hard times. However instead of complaining about them and holding on to them, I should learn from them, move on and use them to make my own lemonade. When I do this I am no only helping myself, many times I am helping those around me make their own lemonade. When I find myself complaining I have found when others are involved that it never affects the other party in a positive manner. Why is it so easy to pull or put others down? I know, possibly it is because we don't know or understand their story. I am working on trying to build others up...at very least give them the benefit of the doubt. I am finding that some of the people I have been frustrated with make the best friends, like myself they just need someone to try and understand, and just love them for who they are and what they bring to the table, they might make a delicious lemon pie.

***Since writing this I have been shown even more of my weaknesses. They seem unbearable at the moment. and I am feeling more than overwhelmed. Mainly because of attitudes that I find myself possessing. How do I rid myself of the anger and frustration? How do I give it to the Lord and accept His cleansing, knowing after the burning I can feel peace? I am struggling for now.

Summer

It has been a crazy summer and it isn't quite over. Between Europe, College graduation of our oldest boy, registering our youngest for pre-school, trying to ready a house to become landlords, and trying to get kids ready for school, I have been feeling like a chicken with my head cut off. I am getting ready for the children to go back to school, and maybe with that I can gain back some sense of sanity?