Words

In my last post I made a mistake. I said words are temporal. Really, the problem is that words are not temporal. Once they have been said and heard, they can not be taken back. Words are permanent. It is the feelings behind those words that are temporal. Things can be said out of hurt, out of anger, or frustration...Words are used to express what we feel, think, imagine, experience.

The lesson I have repeatedly learned lately is that we should only speak worlds of love, comfort, kindness, gratitude, cheer, we should build others up... you know the saying, we have all heard it: "If you cant say anything nice...don't say anything at all." I am beginning to believe parents don't just say this to make life difficult or lay on a guilt trip. Whoever started this phrase experienced for themselves consequences, and it is quite possible they were trying to save us from self-inflicted future grief.

Words can crucify a person, yet give another hope. They can torment forever or give comfort in moments where we feel alone or in deep despair. Words can be recalled through experiences, moments, sometimes they just come to mind. It is said that actions speak louder than words. I believe this whole heartily, but I do believe this doesn't take the cut out of words, or the healing that comes from words. Especially when delivered by the right or wrong person.

With all of this said, realize there are moments in our pasts that we will regret, and have to deal with sometime. And when you are dealing with other peoples wills, sometimes we have to do all we can to make amends. Once we have done all we can, we need to turn it over to the Lord and let Him carry the burden. He knows how to mold us as individuals and he will help the other side understand... someday. And if He doesn't right away it is okay because He will.

With that said, I am learning we need to be sincere and kind to others. When we aren't feeling it, there is no problem with walking away. It is that simple. Don't give them the opportunity to say something they will later regret. If they follow you and taunt you remember you have a big brother on your side and really, if we are not needing His forgiveness at the moment, He can and will help us forgive the other person. That way our pack can be light weight rather than the heavy with the overbearing weight that comes from holding onto and embracing anger, hate, and animosity. He will replace those feelings with peace, love, comfort and at times even understanding.

Lesson Learned...Again.

We have all heard that our past can haunt us. It is true. Whether that past is intentional or unintentional, it will come up. In the case addressed in the title of this entry it is painful. I experienced pain several years ago and cried out in agony to anyone who would lend an ear. Sadly I realize this has happened more than once. Thus the Again part of the title.

There are consequences of every act we make...be it positive or negative. We can not choose when we will face those consequences. Why? Well for two reasons really. One, we are human. Two, the other side is also human. There are two sides to everything, the intended and the taking...

I am learning I can confide really only in Heavenly Father. He is the only being who honestly and wholly understands my heart. My words are inefficient for expressing those things in my heart. Words are as temporal as the feelings behind them. Not only that, but they may be intended one way and taken completely another way. Not because the individual on the other end is trying to ruin you, but because they take in according to the way they have already experienced or perceived. Really it goes both ways.

So I am beginning to understand why it is so important that we try to assume the best in others, forgive them their mistakes and not judge. More importantly we should not express feelings to others no matter how real, no matter how painful. Because tomorrow when we have moved on and forgotten those intense feelings, another that we have shared them with will feel them as new and will express them, reopenning wounds that were scabbed, possibly healed. Thus making it difficult for the offender or offended to move on. I feel like I am in an eternal hell at the moment. Really I can't do anything. My offence has been made and when an apology was made for that is all I really can do It goes on closed ears. I realize and understand what I have done.

Somethings are easier to turn over to the Lord than others. Even when they have been turned over The pain is real. I hate causing another's pain. Really I do.