Thoughts on Being a Step-Parent

A friend of me is doing an assignment for class about step parenting and asked me a couple questions: 

-Ask the parent to describe the pros and cons of step parenting.  
-If the parent had to do it again, what, if anything, would they change?  
-What advice would they give to couples that were just starting?

Here was my response just in case you were wondering:

• When I first married my husband I took a lot of things personal. I had pictured I was going to be this perfect step-mother. The first year was hard...for everyone. I brought with me new rules, and the kids were excited to have me there until I was actually there. I felt like I couldn't do anything. I was accused of trying to erase memories of their mother and when it came to creating traditions it was hard. They had theirs already established, and the older kids wanted nothing to do with mine, nor did they want me to be a part of theirs.
• Pros Children are already raised, I didn't have to give birth to them.

  Cons Children are already raised, and I didn't give birth to them.

  I remember I was going to write a book about how being a step-parent didn't have to always be awful, how it depended on attitude and stuff. My cousin who is a writer came over one day and I asked her to read what I had written. I thought she would tell me how unique I am or something of the sort, but as she read the things I struggled with she turned to me and said: "This isn't anything a biological mother wouldn't write. You are having the same struggles I am having with my teenager."

  Now I know my situation is unique in many ways, but I am realizing she is right. I feel like Heavenly Father has been teaching me not to take everything so personal.

  With the three younger children I feel like we have developed a respect for each other. I love them like my own. The two older children have made it a little more difficult to feel that way about, I love them, but am a bit reserved. The difference there I believe is that I have lived with the younger children, where I haven't with the older ones. We see each other on Holidays. They need someone to take out their anger and hurt and I happen to be the lucky winner. However I think that would be the case had it been anyone else.

  I don't know that I would change much. I have been far from perfect in being a step mother. But I have grown a ton from it. Some of that growth has been extremely painful and I would not wish it on any one even my worst enemy, but I look at others trials and wouldn't trade either.

  The advise I would offer? If you don't believe in a God you might want to start. I have turned to Him more times than I can count. Pray for the children who are being placed in your care. Don't take things personal even if they are intended to be personal. If you hang in there and continue to love them they will one day thank you for being a part of their lives. Don't judge the children's behaviors, your are being judged as well, the good thing is God knows our hearts, better than you will ever know theirs and vice versa.

  For the couple love each other unconditionally. There will be many times you don't agree with each other. Keep communication open with your spouse, trust your spouse. Trust your children. Trust instincts. and when you feel like walking away don't. The first year I spent a lot of time in my room. I went from single, to mom of 5. I remember begging my husband to let me go home to my parents and letting him and the kids have their own Christmas. He never said no, but he did tell me I might regret it if I did. I am glad I didn't.

  We have been married for 8 1/2 years. While that is not 50 by any stretch of the imagination, I intend on it being close to that as does my husband. I have seen the children grow a ton. They say the same of me. I say hang in there when times are rough. Rely on prayer, because God knows you and those children individually better than any one else. He will help you out, or send people your way who will be wise and have wise advise. There will be others as well.
• There you go.

Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease...oh my!

Well, we have come upon a new sort of adventure here in our home as of late. While out visiting family over the Memorial Day weekend, my youngest little guy picked up Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. This is not to be confused with hoof and mouth disease that animals get. My little guy has been pretty much miserable. I have had people ask me about what it is.

Besides it being a disease that quarantines you to your home for 10 days, and is extremely contagious let me tell you what I have learned about it the past couple of days.

It starts out with an extremely high fever. We were able to keep it down with Ibuprofen, and luke warm baths. A day or two later blisters began to appear around my little guys mouth, the bottom of his feet, and palms of his hands. He cried and cried. I took him to the Dr. where we discovered the blisters were covering his throat and inside his mouth. She told me to keep him hydrated, and that is pretty much all I could do for him. So I pretty much held and comforted the boy 2 days straight. He is feeling much better now but has scabs all over his feet, legs, arms, hands and mouth. Ugh.

Last night started round 2 with my little lady. She had the fever and then seemed fine. But last night she woke up with her feet blistering and burning. I gave her some Ibuprofen and put Aloe on her feet, and she was able to sleep the rest of the night through. It has moved to her hands this morning. With that said I guess I will be restarting the clock on when I can rejoin public life to a full-filling level.

*sigh*

Through study of my own, I have found that I need to sterilize binkys daily, wash glasses regularly rather than letting him carry the same sippy cup around all day. And I need to be better at making sure there is less cup, spoon and fork sharing.

I just say to myself: "This too shall pass." And it shall.

Gem's Found in the Scriptures

Tonight I was reading in The Book of Mormon, one of my favorite books! I am reading in 2 Nephi where Lehi(a Prophet) is on his death bed and blessing each of his children. In Chapter two he is bearing his testimony of the atonement to his son and teaching too. It is a beautiful chapter! As I read it the last verse caught my attention, and so I would like to share my thoughts with you.

 30 I have spoken these few words unto you all, my sons, in the last days of my probation; and I have chosen the good part, according to the words of the prophet. And I have none other object save it be the everlasting ^awelfare of your souls. Amen.

I absolutely love the last sentence where he says "And I have no other object save it be the everlasting welfare of  your souls."

Until I became a mother I don't think I ever noticed this before. As I read this, I had these feelings:

"I think I have only began to understand this last verse as I have become a parent myself. As a mother I feel concern for my children and step-children like I would never have imagined before. I pray often that my short comings will be over looked and that I will be able to teach my children, placed in my care, who they are and lift them when they are feeling weak or down. I know I can not do this alone, nor is it expected of me. I am grateful the Lord has not relinquished his rights as their father to me. I find comfort in knowing this.

Now that I have shared this with my few readers I hope that I can go to bed. Thank you for your support in reading and sharing your thoughts. It means a lot to me. Good night.