The First Year

I have to admit that the first year of my marriage has been the most difficult up to date. Not just for myself in person, but also each of the children. There were a lot of adjustments and changes that we all faced. Some major and some minor, but all the same, adjusting and changing.

With any new relationship, I believe there are adjustments that are made for those who are involved. Some of the first things people run into may be with how to budget their money, maybe cleanliness if the living arrangements, how to squeeze the tooth paste, and then there are the day to day things. Who will do the cooking? Dishes? Laundry? Everyone's situation varies. How to raise children, which child rearing techniques will be used? These are encountered over a longer period of time as life presents each season. In our case, most of it happened the first year.

My husband and I have established many of the same underlying principles and values in our lives. We both love and do the best we can to live our shared religion. We both have the desire to serve missions together in the distant future. We both want to raise our children up to the Lord. These are a few of the common desires we have.

The differences usually become more apparent in the manner in which these goals are accomplished as children are brought into the picture. Usually one at a time, or at least one birth at a time. Usually the first child is the guinea pig, and with each child that comes the raising will become a bit easier or smoother. Maybe not, seeing as they are each so different at times, but this is the general idea I am talking about at the moment, bare with me.

In our case I had three guinea pigs. All in different seasons of their growing. While I was growing I imagined how my children were going to be "perfect". Don't get me wrong, I have great kids in my stewardship, but our ideas of what the perfect living arrangement might be differed. Only because one had already been established. With me I brought in new ideas (rules) and there was some rebellion on all of our parts with in that first year.

It was tough. I felt like I needed order. I would talk to my husband and find that the priorities were a little different from what I had been raised with. I shouldn't say they were different, but the method of gaining those goals was approached differently than what I was familiar with. I was drawing up all these rules. The children were doing a lot to show me they didn't accept these rules. When in reality, if I just talked with the children, presented my expectations, with a reason behind it, his children seemed to take better.

I also had to decide which "rules" were important to me, and why they were important. What was I trying to accomplish? Instead of trying to accomplish a master piece in one afternoon, why not decide on the color scheme I was going for, the scene I wanted to paint, and then set out on the project little by little. This would be less overwhelming for me and the children. And, if I had them participate in the choosing at times, it even made it a bit easier. What a revelation.

That first year I came into a home with an independent high-school senior, a young man going through puberty and a young boy who wanted more than anything to fit in with his big brothers but was the baby. Any of you that have experienced these three groups can imagine the dynamics that brings to trying to paint the "perfect" picture. Then to top things off, I was pregnant in that first year. What a mess we were in. We all survived. I know I learned a lot from that first year. I relied a lot on the Lord, and my Husband.