Atonement III

This weekend a thought came to me. It brought comfort and the desire to understand a bit better the plan Heavenly Father has for us.

In my life three of my friends have done something that has broken the trust I have had in them. In the past I have forgiven these people and then been burned by them again, and again. It has come to the point where I feel it hard to put my trust in them.

This past year I have been pondering the atonement. We are told to forgive and forget. In the past I have tried hard to do both, but it is getting more difficult for me to forget. It is getting easier for me to distance myself from these individuals. I have gone through the feelings of them being toxic, self-centered, self-serving...individuals. Someone said they may think the same of me. That could be the case. I try not to be that individual, and so they to may be trying not to be that way as well.

In the past bit I have done what I feel I can to make amends but am still feeling detached. Yesterday as I was writing my feelings in my journal, trying to find appropriate words to express what I was feeling, I had this thought come to me. In each of these instances I have tried to help these people feel like they are apart of something, a group or whatever.

Through trying to help these individuals I have learned that I am a daughter of God, just as they are. As a daughter I need to rely upon and depend on Him. He alone knows my heart. These people have judged my behavior based upon their own insight, and some of those judgements have hurt. With that I have too made some judgements and found that I have been narrow minded in my thoughts.

Back to the thought I had yesterday. I have a husband who loves me despite my flaws. I also have a Heavenly Father who loves me. These individuals also have people placed in their lives who love them unconditionally and can see past the points I can't. They also have a Heavenly Father who loves them as he does me. It isn't my responsibility to help them if they don't want it. They may feel they don't need my help, and that is OK. As I am learning to rely more on my Father they too will, and someday He will help us reach the most righteous desires of our hearts. In that time I don't have to keep throwing myself into the fire. He will help each of us come to peace, and one day we will be able to become friends again. Until that day I am going to do my best and when I feel like I am sinking, I will turn to Him for guidance and direction. That is really all I can do. That is all that is expected of me.