I know its been a while, but I wanted to share this.

I believe it was General Conference weekend. Maybe between sessions. They were talking to different members of the church and having them share their life altering testimony builders. The one that stood out to me was a sister from Utah, I had heard some of her story. I had followed her blog for a short period out of curiosity. She and her husband had been survivors of a serious plane crash. Both had been burned, she more seriously than himself, but both quite seriously. They had children and were working on remaking their lives.

This particular interview, she shared how when she had seen that more than 90 percent of her body had been burned she was crushed. She knew she would never be the same again. She didn't even want to wear her clothes home, because she knew she would never look "beautiful" again. Then she thought to herself "They still fit. What am I thinking?"

Upon hearing this I looked inwardly. I have been hating myself. I would like to say it has just been in recent years. However, it has been most of my teen years and beyond from the influence of the world. The world tells you you have to be so thin, a beautiful bronze tan, the perfect curves, a gap between your long thin, yet graceful legs, sun bleached beach waves, a perfect jaw line, a perfect brow arch, full lips, lashes that are long and lush. I could go on and on.(But who want to read all of that?)

After school I thought I would get married and start a family. It didn't happen. I thought to myself that it must have been because I was fat. So I began eating very little. I was dying to get back to the weight I was before puberty, I might look better. I might be more attractive. I did get over that...about a year later which was a blessing, before I could have done any real damage to my body.

Then I started a family, while jumping into one already established. Very difficult. I have had so many people tell me how they admire me, they could never do what I have done. Most of the time I feel like I am failing. I have feed my self doubt with chocolate, ice-cream, and loads of sugar. Maybe even binge eating. This is now showing in the fact that I weigh 100 lbs more than a healthy self should. I hate it. I don't feel comfortable in my skin. I have hated my new curves, my new chins, thick thighs, that my ankles are beginning to look more like Kankles, and I have bra rolls, tummy rolls, hail damage on my legs, butt and who knows where else. Half of my face is a wreck. One eye doesn't always open as I like, it winks, and sometimes I feel like I grin much like the Joker.

Now, back to the sister I was listening to. As she talked I felt like her message was directly for myself. My body has its own story to tell. My body tells of three difficult pregnancies. It tells of lack of self love and confidence. It has a story of depression, and anxiety. Much like this sister I have had to realize that Heavenly Father loves me for me. Just as I am. He lovingly created my body. He didn't create me with all of the "Perfections" the world likes to dictate. However He created me perfectly with His love. He doesn't care about the hail damage, the extra rolls, the droopy eye. What He cares about is that I know He loves me as I am. He wants to lift me. He loves what comes from within, rather than what the world tries to define. He loves us if our nose is crooked, our teeth are crooked...He created those "flaws" lovingly so we could stand out as an individual loved more than we can even imagine.

This year I am going to work on loving what I have been given. I am going to learn to love my flaws and the flaws in others. I am going to work on seeing myself and others through the perfect eyes of a Father who created each of us lovingly.