June Overview

June has been an incredible month! Seriously I could have lived several years this past month.

I was in Great Brittan to start the month off. I loved England. My father was born in Liverpool during World War II. My grandfather had been stationed there and met my grandmother.  My grandfather brought my grandmother and father to the states when my father was 3. England felt almost home like to me. While there, my favorite stops were Canterbury and Dover. In Canterbury, Elly Cathedral was beautiful! Down their main road they had a lot of fun shops to explore for books, gifts, candy, paper goods, clothes, purses, jewelery, and when we found ourselves hungry there were pubs and carts with delicious food. I LOVED Dover! Dover felt like the home to my soul. A nostalgic home, it was familiar to me. We explored the castle, then hiked down to the beach which I found to be breathtakingly peaceful. Instead of sand the beach was pebbly and the white cliffs were majestic and safe. The pebbles along the beach were made of worn flint, chalk, and golden pebbles. the chalk and flint were veining through each other. It was amazing!

London was our final stop. It was more crowded, and crazy. To be honest though I could have spent several weeks there and still would not have had enough time to explore. We were able to see the guard practice for the Queen's birthday which was a sight to see. We had the time in our schedule to choose a play of choice. I had been told Matilda was a hit, but they were sold out while we were there. Instead I was able to go see Wicked. What an incredible experience! I loved the story line, the actors and actresses, The stage,props, costumes and everything just made for an awesome experience!

I had gone to England with The Platte Valley Singers. The invite had been extended because I have been participating this past year with the UNK Women's Choir under David Bauer. An experience I cherish and has been fun for me. I love meeting students, making new friends, and performing. My plan is to be in the choir again this coming year as a volunteer. What an adventure.

Shortly after returning from England (Literally 1 day to rest and get over jet lag) I was off to camp with the young women from church. To start out I really felt useless. My feet were killing me from all of the walking we had done in England. The first night of camp I had pulled something in my knee trying to cater to my sore feet. Bishop Chaffin and another brother who were there gave me a blessing which helped drastically. Shortly after the blessing I was placed in charge of designing pins for each of the girls. I loved it! The older girls were very thoughtful in coming up with awards for the younger girls. Since girls camp I have received several Thank Yous from girls in the stake that have totally warmed my heart!

Following Girls Camp I was hoping to take a bit of a breath. However my dear husband had signed the kids up for everything under the sun, and it turned out the activities were all the same week. Our schedule went like this: 9 am orchestra for S man, 11 pick him up. 1 pm take Miss M. to Biz Kidz. 2 pm Take Clubster to acting class. 4 pm pick up C. 5 pick up M. 5:05 drop both boys at swimming, and return for pick-up by 6. Meh. My Main squeeze did help with orchestra drop off and sometimes pick-up, and we alternated on the evenings with the boys and M,making it easier for one of us to prepare dinner. This week I did feel a bit overwhelmed...Thanks for keeping me on my toes Love, I sill love you with all my heart.

We missed a birthday with me being in England, so we threw the party the weekend following all of the classes. Sigh. That was held at Paint Paradise and was a hit with little to no planning on my part so that was a bonus. Though in planning for lunch and ordering pizza we forgot to pick up drinks, so before taking girls home we stopped by Sonic and picked up slushes for each of the girls.

The following week I finally had a chance to rest, it felt great! A dear friend of mine was married that Saturday and I was able to catch up with another friend I have not seen in too long of a time. We actually had the time to sit and talk with for even longer.

For Young Womens last week, we watched the Devotional that Pres. Nelson and his wife had put on at the beginning of the month. President Nelson is moving forward boldly with his call and teaching the youth how they can also do so, it is exhilarating to watch! In the devotional he invited the youth to become actively engaged in the Lord's work here upon the earth. He  not only explained what that looked like but made is sound doable, not overwhelming.

I find myself forgetting that we only need to worry about the one...not the whole. The one can betaken care of individually, and in a moments notice, or over time. He isn't expecting us to be something we aren't do things we can't, or the impossible. It was rather comforting to listen to the devotional and be given tools, and being told that our gifts are just what the Dr. ordered. Seriously I loved the devotional.

The of June last week was Youth Conference. Our leaders who had originally planned on attending had to change plans at last minute. Steve and I apparently looked like the best alternative. Heavenly Father had our backs though. I was able to work out between two other sisters in the ward to take my spot all but one night. Steve ended up going the full time. I am glad I had the time with the kids myself. During that time I was able to help M with her room some, play some one-on-one games with S-man, and take Clubster to the doctor when we had a scare. I love being a mom! I am learning to enjoy it more and more.

During this month I witnessed many miracles. In England I witnessed chances where we could have been robbed and we weren't. In Dover I experienced the castle with out feeling claustrophobic, and the beach with out feeling anxiety about being so near the ocean . On the way to Girls Camp the bishops van gave out just as we entered Broken Bow. Bishop was able to get it fixed in less than an hour, and the shop that fixed it was very generous charging only $10 for his labor. The blessing I received for my knee and feet went into effect quickly. The week of running children all over I felt Heavenly Fathers hand in helping my stay calm and not feel anxiety or overwhelmed. There was one point this past week where I thought I might be having a heart attack. I found it was only a strained muscle for which I received another blessing (this time from My father and husband) and was back to normal in less than 24 hours.

Our last incredible blessing came last Friday in the form of a beautiful health grand baby! She is such a little miracle. It is so fun watching another son step up to the plate of fatherhood with the confidence his father instilled in him through example. i have been so impressed with our boys! They love their wives with their whole hearts as they should, and their children are embraced the moment they arrive. Fatherhood looks good on them. What a privilege to observe. I also found out this month that our third grand baby is in the oven. I know our daughter and son-in-law are going to be great parents alongside the others!

There you go in incredible month coming to a close! My hear feels full of gratitude, love, hope, and the spirit! I feel truly blessed to be living in a day where we have the fullness of the gospel, Priesthood power, medical knowledge, the Internet where we can listen to living prophets at our leisure, and all of the available blessings that go over looked.

While chatting with a friend the other day She asked me a question that struck a cord with me. She asked me if I have ever wondered about what I could be contributing more somewhere else other than being in the home with my children.

Up until about a year ago I was struggling with this very thing. When I was single I was able to do so many things. While in college I would give 44 hours for school, then work 20-30 hours. To top that off I had church responsibilities to full fill and friends to spend time with, along projects to work on. I felt like I was constantly on the go.

When I married and even after having my first child, things didn't seem to change all that much. With the older children all in school, or away, I could clean the house, go to the gym, work on projects, take care of the baby and juggle other miscellaneous things as well. I even had time to drop in on friends and visit. Still, when the second child came I was able to do many things I wanted to.

However, baby number three (for me, but child eight over all) seemed to come as a curve ball to me. I wasn't sure what hit me when he arrived, and it has taken me some time to get where I feel like I might be becoming human again. For a period of time I often thought of all of the things I could be doing and contributing to society if I wasn't "tied down".

Through some personal trials the past couple of years I have come to understand what a blessing it is that I can be home with my children. Not only can I be home with them but I am able to be a part of their growing up. I am able to watch them grow and experience life, and I can be there when they scrape their knees.

While I watch the youngest of the older ones and seeing how quickly he has grown and sometimes feeling like I have missed out on much of his growing while caring for wee ones. It has helped me realize how quickly time does go by.

The other day I was looking at our wedding pictures. The youngest boy was seven when My hubby and I married. At seven years old he was so little and precious. It seems like it was only last year, and yet, he is now wanting his drivers permit, he is getting summer jobs and he is growing faster than I would like. In seeing this I have come to the realization that the younger three are going to be gone before I know it and I need to cherish these moments now along with the time I can spend with them. One day they are going to be off cherishing their own little ones and I will be on the side lines instead of front stage with them.

So, yes. There are times I have thought and wondered on whether I could contribute more else where. But to be honest, my children are my world. In this season of my life I am glad to be giving them of my time and talents. I may not receive the recognition of magazines, new papers, or a Nobel Prize. However the recognition those could give can not even begin to replace the late night talks I have had with the older children, the hugs of the little children nor can it replace the relationship I have with my children. Oh, how I love staying home with my children and watching them grow. Each stage is a treasured gift.

A Day in My Thoughts

There are times as a mother and step mother that I feel I am failing my children. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a great job and there are times like this season where I feel like I am in a dip and can't … or don't quite know how to pull myself out.

Most of the time it feels like I am just going through the motions of being a mother. I get my children ready for the day, I feed them dress them , make sure they dress themselves. If I am lucky my daughter gets her hair fixed, my sons get their hair combed or cut, and I get them off to church.

Sadly I can say there is a lot of time spent in front of the television. Too much to be precise. I justify it by saying it is educational tv. At night I rack my brain with things we could do together during the day, but it seems more often than not none of it happens. I end up nursing the baby, attempting to clean the kitchen, making an attempt to catch up on laundry, cleaning up spills...the list seems to grow.

It seems selfish wanting to do something for myself. Some sort of craft, something to help me feel accomplished.

To complain I know I shouldn't, my husband does so much for me. He gives my gym time. He tries to give me “me” time, but when I actually get it I don't even know where to start, so it turns out I get nothing done. It is like a vicious cycle of sorts. A dear friend told me it the season of life that I am in.

Don't get me wrong. I love watching my children grow. I know there are many mothers out there that would give anything to be where I am. Just at this time I am feeling over whelmed. I become more overwhelmed when I realize that in not to distant of a future I will have all of the time I could ever want on my hands, with children all in school, and then someday married.

I guess my thoughts are, how do I get the most out of NOW? I catch myself wishing it away at times, and then turn to try and hold on with my might and yet my children continue to grow, and the cycle continues to repeat its self bringing on a bit of a different dimension each round.

These are just a few of my thoughts these days that I have been able to put into words.