There are times as a mother and step mother that I feel I am failing my children. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a great job and there are times like this season where I feel like I am in a dip and can't … or don't quite know how to pull myself out.
Most of the time it feels like I am just going through the motions of being a mother. I get my children ready for the day, I feed them dress them , make sure they dress themselves. If I am lucky my daughter gets her hair fixed, my sons get their hair combed or cut, and I get them off to church.
Sadly I can say there is a lot of time spent in front of the television. Too much to be precise. I justify it by saying it is educational tv. At night I rack my brain with things we could do together during the day, but it seems more often than not none of it happens. I end up nursing the baby, attempting to clean the kitchen, making an attempt to catch up on laundry, cleaning up spills...the list seems to grow.
It seems selfish wanting to do something for myself. Some sort of craft, something to help me feel accomplished.
To complain I know I shouldn't, my husband does so much for me. He gives my gym time. He tries to give me “me” time, but when I actually get it I don't even know where to start, so it turns out I get nothing done. It is like a vicious cycle of sorts. A dear friend told me it the season of life that I am in.
Don't get me wrong. I love watching my children grow. I know there are many mothers out there that would give anything to be where I am. Just at this time I am feeling over whelmed. I become more overwhelmed when I realize that in not to distant of a future I will have all of the time I could ever want on my hands, with children all in school, and then someday married.
I guess my thoughts are, how do I get the most out of NOW? I catch myself wishing it away at times, and then turn to try and hold on with my might and yet my children continue to grow, and the cycle continues to repeat its self bringing on a bit of a different dimension each round.
These are just a few of my thoughts these days that I have been able to put into words.
I love you. I feel you. With such a young baby, it is so difficult to do much else. I don't know about you, but I don't have a car! We have to be so creative at times! But, it is the season. It doesn't change your love for them or your desire for their happiness. Hang in there, because if you don't, I don't know if I can! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Maggie! I appreciate your friendship. It means a lot to me.
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