Remenising

You know, I have been thinking lately. My first year of being married I could have done many things differently. Many times I think back and wish I had. I thought my wedding day was all about me and my hubby. The truth is, it wasn't just our lives changing that day. There were 5 amazing kids whose lives were changing as well, only their changes began months before mine, and theirs were deeper and bigger than mine. When I was planning our marriage I was trying to include them, but I didn't know them as well as I could have, and was so involved in my changes...7 1/2 years later I am glad to be apart of their lives and blessed to have them as part of mine.

My biggest regret is the youngest. I wish I had loved him more and showed all of them more love that first year. Instead I had taken a lot of things personal, and hid in our bedroom a lot that first year. There were many hard feelings, and tears shed that year. I made efforts here and there...I just wish I had made more efforts.

About a year and a half before meeting and marrying my hubby I had graduated from beauty school. As I  prepared to stretch my wings and sour I prayed about where I should go. At the time I had been crushing on another young man who was going to school in the same town. My parents had moved back to Utah to be closer to one of my sisters and her children. I presented both of these decisions to the Lord. I had laid out my pros and cons to each place and felt if I received a "no" to the first place, things would not happen with the young man I liked at the time(looking back, it was one sided). While waiting for the answer, this thought crossed my mind rather loudly: "You ought to go to Kearney." I remember thinking how I loved the people in Kearney, I also had a friend who had told me after my parents moved I would  be more than welcome to come stay with them any time(fun thing...I will share later.) However I felt like, if things weren't going to go with the guy, I would rather be close to my nieces and nephews and watch them grow. So I chose to return to Utah with my parents and sister.

In Utah I had several opportunities but always felt unsettled. I worked in a salon for a couple of weeks, but didn't really enjoy the atmosphere and quickly found a barber shop I enjoyed. While working there I decided to do a part time mission for the church and enjoyed that. Things at the barber shop began to shake my reality a bit and I found myself needing more money than I was making, so I applied for a job working in the printing division for the church. The atmosphere there was like nothing I have ever experienced in another working place. However that too was short lived because I started dating my husband and when we married I would be moving to another state. The rest is history.

Now, back to the "funny thing". The friend who had told me I would be welcome to stay with them anytime is my husbands first wife. Sometimes I wonder if I had listened to that prompting if the transition I went through the first years of my marriage could have been easier. I could have known the children better on a different level. It might have been easier to express my love for them. Things are working out, I just wish sometimes that I had done things differently.