Last week I received a letter in the mail from our young man who will be returning home from his mission. He is doing what many young folk do as they grow and stretch. He is reflecting on how he has grown and was sharing some experiences with me. In sharing his experiences he warmed my heart, and got me to thinking too.
The first year I married my hubby was an adjustment period for each of us. I was adjusting going from single to instant family. By instant family I mean everything was already established. (And not exactly how I imagined I would have done it myself.) I am learning life isn't really like that anyway, but it is just as sweet. They were adjusted to not having their mom around, and since she wasn't the house had become somewhat of a bachelor pad/man cave. Picture Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, when Milly first enters the picture. I felt much like Milly, and they felt much like the brothers the first morning.
In his letter our young man mentioned how we were both rough stones needing our rough edges smoothed. Through the next couple of years as we hit into one another we were smoothed. Before He had left I had told him it was fun seeing how much he had grown. In his letter he said:"I am not the only one who grew in that time." then he mentioned how he had seen me grow and change as well.
It is funny, because just three years ago I had thought that I would have to settle for some lowly things, but felt fine with it because I couldn't see any way around it. There were several personalities I was trying to deal with and not all with in the walls of our home. These personalities brought out a lot of anger, hate and resentment in myself and I felt like if I would have to endure with these personalities in the Celestial kingdom I would be better off in a lower kingdom where I knew what I could expect. I shared these sentiments with my husband one night and he was shocked and told me that was very selfish thinking.
With time some uglies came out I was not real proud of. However people knew where they stood with me and backed off. Through the time after the uglies I struggled with myself, and the atonement. I had a thought one day that the Lord knew me, and he knew my adversaries. He had placed people in their lives who loved them with their flaws, along with me. My adversaries and I had Him in common and through Him and his help we would be able to overcome our differences. He would be able to help things become comfortable for the eternities.
At the time I didn't see how this could happen, but had lost the strength to fight and needed strength to raise my little family. So I turned it over to him. I erased any thing I could review over and over again to feed the fire I had been feeling. I distanced myself because I had the thought come to me "If you know a fire is going to burn you, why do you continue to return and put yourself in its path?" I had to make some rules for myself and take control.
Its been three years since I had my melt down. Three years since I have turned it over to the Lord. I haven't had to wait until the end of the millennium to see how Heavenly Father is working in our lives. He really can do things we think are impossible or see as if they are hopeless causes. That is one area I have seen my growth that our young man talked about. Also I have had the help of a wonderful husband who has not only been supportive, loving and kind, but patient. Hr truly is my perfect match and I am blessed to have him for my eternal companion. I am blessed to have the Savior as a big brother who cares. I am one lucky girl.
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