Pedestal's

Pedestal's. I am becoming less of a fan each day of these. Growing up I put many people on different pedestals. Through life some have fallen and others have proven worthy of the placement. However, I am finding, it is a dangerous place to place others and to be placed one's self.

Yesterday evening we had an event where different women were recognized for the courage and integrity they have exemplified through their day to day living. It was heart warming to see what others think of one another. The youth spotlighted individuals and shared what they admired in us adults. As an adult it was good seeing the traits recognized that we strive each day to posses.

The thing that is hard for me is that I have had several people express their admiration in me and I feel inadequate for that admiration. If people could see my heart at times they would see an individual who struggles with esteem. The person they would see is not perfect. She is not perfect, far from it to be precise. My vision at times can be quite limited. With that vision I have made judgements I regret. I have said things I regret. I am one who wheres my heart on my sleeve. It isn't always pleasant. I try to be better and yet I fall short more often than not. I would like to be perfect someday, but to be honest, there are days that perfection feels so far out of reach.

I talk of the atonement. I Try to apply it when I see I need it. But more often than not I feel like I fall so short. Giving up is not the answer, I know. The Savior didn't give up in the garden, nor on the cross. He could have walked away at any point. There just seems to be those times when I feel myself staggering under the cross I have been called to bare.When I look around, for those I thought might give comfort or aid, they seemed to have left my side. Am I looking the wrong direction? I should be looking up at those times I suppose. Lifting my voice or heart to my Father above.

Over all I wish people would see me as I am. Human. I am not part God as the Savior is. It hurts to fall, especially when the fall feels harder than what was expected. This is all.