Kesha - This Is Me (from The Greatest Showman Soundtrack) [Official Audio]

This song hits home to me today. It says my feelings better than I have ever been able to express them myself.

Before I entered your picture I had already been created. Before coming to earth we had a loving Heavenly Father who took the time to create each of us...individually. He placed in each of us our own desires, our own perspective, our own opinion, and gives us our own experiences to shape us and mold us so we can become the Sons and Daughters He sees in us.

In this life we cross each others paths which contribute to the continuation of our being molded and formed. Before I entered your path I had been placed on my own. Like you I have feelings. I have had experiences of my own that play a roll my ever developing perception of further experiences that confront on my path...just as you do.

You want to be treated like a human...so do I. I am doing and giving my best. You cannot compare or expect my best to be anything you yourself have given. Nor I yours, its simply impossible.

Please don't expect me to be something I am not, especially when you don't even know what it is you want, nor take the time to know who I am. And please don't make accusations without understanding that you are also new in my picture.

If we were to take several steps back we would both realize that neither of us own the picture or painting we are creating. It is much bigger than you. It is much bigger than me. If you have a problem with me don't assume that it is my problem. I have come to understand that you are not mine. Rather my problem is my perception. Turn to the Savior and He can help you see what you aren't seeing for yourself. Just as He is doing for me. We are each a work in progress. Heavenly Fathers masterpiece in the making.

Motherhood

While scrolling on Pinterest the other day I found a pin that said to list the things you enjoy most about motherhood. I stewed about it for a while and then put it to the back burner(isn't that where most Pinterest ideas go?) Any who, I thought this would be a great one to put on here. So, here goes.

Things I enjoy about Motherhood:

- I love tucking my children into bed and hearing about their day. (I can do better at this.)
- I enjoy reading books with them cuddled up to my side or on my lap.(What a warm fuzzy!)
- When My children run up to me after school to show me what they accomplished in art or on a spelling test.
- It can be annoying at times, but I love when my little guy is trying to get my attention and grabs my chin to help me focus.
- I love hearing my children laugh. (Seriously, it is therapeutic.)
- When a teacher tells me they think my kid is pretty great!(because sometimes you wonder how their quirks are going to rub others.)
- I love watching my children play together and laugh together(all eight of them).
- I love going to choir concerts and watching them beam, cause they know they did great!
- I love rocking the little ones to sleep and singing to them. I realize it wont last forever.
- Listening to them express themselves trying to be big like their bigger siblings.
- Holding them on my lap when we are watching a movie.
- Watching our teenager get excited about funny things he witnessed at school.
- I love watching my children in programs.
- It is fun to watch them interact with their peers.
- I love watching my daughters eyes sparkle as she explains how she did her last art project.
- I love being able to be there when they fall and skin their knee and need a kiss or hug.
- I love watching them become independent little souls(though lets be honest, this tugs at those heart strings as it happens.)
- The memory of the first time each of the children has said they loved me.(Really, who doesn't like knowing they are loved and appreciated.)
- The time I asked my little lady if she knew I loved her and she replied;"How could I not, you tell me EVERY single day."
- The time I asked my littlest man if he knew I loved him and he said "yes" and gave me a huge hug.
- The day our second young man returned home from his mission and hugged me like he meant it.
- Our first sons wedding day and he asked me to dance the Mother Son dance.
- That Christmas when our oldest daughter made me a beautiful quilt for my youngest baby to be.(After having a horrible summer together.)
- The week our second daughter was struggling due to a guy and called or texted me every day.
- How about the time my little man asked if he could put his idiots in another bag, only to find out he was referring to a box of Nerds.
- Remember this Christmas when everyone was content and happy to be together. Yeah, it was great!
- The letter I received a letter from Boy #2 telling me that I am one of the best things that has happened to him and he will thank Heavenly Father...forever.
- Watching the older children grow and be close to one another.
- Holding my youngest's hand when going places. I cherish those moments.
- When one of the little boys tells me a knock-knock joke they have made up and watching them laugh their heads off at their own cleverness.
- You know that time when the child behaves a little like a dork and you realize you did the same thing at their age...and you are glad the apple didn't completely leave the orchard? Good times!
- When your teenager thinks he is the best thing since sliced bread, because he drove a vehicle his brothers weren't given a chance to drive...cause he is the best thing...*grin*
- Watching your older children beam because they nailed getting the perfect gift(s).
- Watching the younger children choose "the perfect gifts."
- When your older children act like those "perfect gifts" were perfect.(And knowing they appreciate the thought behind them.)
- The dreaded day when my youngest daughter learned how to make sugar cookies...by herself.

There are so many reasons I enjoy being a mother and step-mother. The ride has not always been blissful and perfect as I imagined that it would be. However I will tell you I have loved every bit of it. Including the painful parts. It has helped me become who I am. It will mold me into the cherished woman God wants me to become, and along the way I have a family to enjoy the ride with.

Thoughts on Being a Step-Parent

A friend of me is doing an assignment for class about step parenting and asked me a couple questions: 

-Ask the parent to describe the pros and cons of step parenting.  
-If the parent had to do it again, what, if anything, would they change?  
-What advice would they give to couples that were just starting?

Here was my response just in case you were wondering:

• When I first married my husband I took a lot of things personal. I had pictured I was going to be this perfect step-mother. The first year was hard...for everyone. I brought with me new rules, and the kids were excited to have me there until I was actually there. I felt like I couldn't do anything. I was accused of trying to erase memories of their mother and when it came to creating traditions it was hard. They had theirs already established, and the older kids wanted nothing to do with mine, nor did they want me to be a part of theirs.
• Pros Children are already raised, I didn't have to give birth to them.

  Cons Children are already raised, and I didn't give birth to them.

  I remember I was going to write a book about how being a step-parent didn't have to always be awful, how it depended on attitude and stuff. My cousin who is a writer came over one day and I asked her to read what I had written. I thought she would tell me how unique I am or something of the sort, but as she read the things I struggled with she turned to me and said: "This isn't anything a biological mother wouldn't write. You are having the same struggles I am having with my teenager."

  Now I know my situation is unique in many ways, but I am realizing she is right. I feel like Heavenly Father has been teaching me not to take everything so personal.

  With the three younger children I feel like we have developed a respect for each other. I love them like my own. The two older children have made it a little more difficult to feel that way about, I love them, but am a bit reserved. The difference there I believe is that I have lived with the younger children, where I haven't with the older ones. We see each other on Holidays. They need someone to take out their anger and hurt and I happen to be the lucky winner. However I think that would be the case had it been anyone else.

  I don't know that I would change much. I have been far from perfect in being a step mother. But I have grown a ton from it. Some of that growth has been extremely painful and I would not wish it on any one even my worst enemy, but I look at others trials and wouldn't trade either.

  The advise I would offer? If you don't believe in a God you might want to start. I have turned to Him more times than I can count. Pray for the children who are being placed in your care. Don't take things personal even if they are intended to be personal. If you hang in there and continue to love them they will one day thank you for being a part of their lives. Don't judge the children's behaviors, your are being judged as well, the good thing is God knows our hearts, better than you will ever know theirs and vice versa.

  For the couple love each other unconditionally. There will be many times you don't agree with each other. Keep communication open with your spouse, trust your spouse. Trust your children. Trust instincts. and when you feel like walking away don't. The first year I spent a lot of time in my room. I went from single, to mom of 5. I remember begging my husband to let me go home to my parents and letting him and the kids have their own Christmas. He never said no, but he did tell me I might regret it if I did. I am glad I didn't.

  We have been married for 8 1/2 years. While that is not 50 by any stretch of the imagination, I intend on it being close to that as does my husband. I have seen the children grow a ton. They say the same of me. I say hang in there when times are rough. Rely on prayer, because God knows you and those children individually better than any one else. He will help you out, or send people your way who will be wise and have wise advise. There will be others as well.
• There you go.