Fragile

Monday I talked to my sister-in-law. She is heart broken. My brother has left her. I was shocked. Blown away to be for sure. My life story is becoming more and more complicated. What I used to see as black and white is becoming smeared and smudged. People are all shades of gray. God is who paints the colors. Wounds turn to scars...over time. The scar remains to remind us of past pain and shows us we have prevailed and endured the pain. Not necessarily with grace, and certainly not with out feeling. (Oh to feel...)

Some scars are on the surface for others to see. Some are hidden. Others are seen as beauty marks instead of blemishes. Some scars are light, and others dark and ugly. Some scars remind of past choices and mistakes. Yet others are from the choices and actions of others. It doesn't diminish the pain felt in the moment.

Speaking of moments. Moments are crazy things. One moment you are flying on top of the world. The next moment you have face planted. If you believe in God you know He is there to lift you and help you brush off...if  you ask for His help. One moment you believe there is something more out there, and the next moment you feel left alone, with no where to turn, no one who can understand. We cherish some moments, looking back in fondness and love. Others are painful and and yet they can teach us things only taught through experience alone.

Tomorrow will be a new day. The picture that was supposed to be will be changed...again but just as real as ever before. What will I make of my master piece in the making? What will you make of yours?

Words

In my last post I made a mistake. I said words are temporal. Really, the problem is that words are not temporal. Once they have been said and heard, they can not be taken back. Words are permanent. It is the feelings behind those words that are temporal. Things can be said out of hurt, out of anger, or frustration...Words are used to express what we feel, think, imagine, experience.

The lesson I have repeatedly learned lately is that we should only speak worlds of love, comfort, kindness, gratitude, cheer, we should build others up... you know the saying, we have all heard it: "If you cant say anything nice...don't say anything at all." I am beginning to believe parents don't just say this to make life difficult or lay on a guilt trip. Whoever started this phrase experienced for themselves consequences, and it is quite possible they were trying to save us from self-inflicted future grief.

Words can crucify a person, yet give another hope. They can torment forever or give comfort in moments where we feel alone or in deep despair. Words can be recalled through experiences, moments, sometimes they just come to mind. It is said that actions speak louder than words. I believe this whole heartily, but I do believe this doesn't take the cut out of words, or the healing that comes from words. Especially when delivered by the right or wrong person.

With all of this said, realize there are moments in our pasts that we will regret, and have to deal with sometime. And when you are dealing with other peoples wills, sometimes we have to do all we can to make amends. Once we have done all we can, we need to turn it over to the Lord and let Him carry the burden. He knows how to mold us as individuals and he will help the other side understand... someday. And if He doesn't right away it is okay because He will.

With that said, I am learning we need to be sincere and kind to others. When we aren't feeling it, there is no problem with walking away. It is that simple. Don't give them the opportunity to say something they will later regret. If they follow you and taunt you remember you have a big brother on your side and really, if we are not needing His forgiveness at the moment, He can and will help us forgive the other person. That way our pack can be light weight rather than the heavy with the overbearing weight that comes from holding onto and embracing anger, hate, and animosity. He will replace those feelings with peace, love, comfort and at times even understanding.

The Greatest Tool

"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings."

While in the MTC (Mission Training Center)preparing for a mission I came across this in my studies. Since that day I have had opportunities where it has been explained to me and a light put on it if will. (David A. Bednar expounded on this in his October 2008 address regarding to prayer.) I have also had moments where I feel like Heavenly Father has blessed me with experiences to teach and enlighten my mind.

Monday when the bombings happened in Boston I had a friend of mine who had participated in the marathon. She is expecting and her hubby and two friends had gone to support her. Before the race her family had fasted and prayed for her to not have complications. As the news came out me and many others were praying that she would be okay along with those who had been with her. I was expressing to another friend that I wish I could be there to help out. I feel like I have been on the side lines for too many things lately, though I feel blessed to be in that position, I have felt 'limited' or helpless in the assistance I am able offer. As I expressed my frustration, I told her I feel like all I can do at times is pray. (In saying that I felt like it was very little.)

However as I have read my marathon runners experience and the experiences of those with her I am realizing what a powerful tool we have in prayer. Prayer doesn't necessarily eliminate pain and suffering. However it can strengthen those looking for strength,  it can lift those who feel weak, and yes, it can even provide protection. 

Besides my friend coming out unscathed from this weeks events, there are stories throughout the scriptures where prayer has provided that same protection. The situations were different, but they were the same in many regards. Alma the elder prayed that his son's heart would be softened. Not only was it softened but he became an amazing missionary, along with his friends, the sons of Mosiah. Their lives were spared countless times because of the prayers of their fathers and many of their own. There are the Stripling Warriors whose lives were spared through the faith of their mothers and of their own. 

In my own experience I have seen prayer heal others, strengthen some, and soften the hearts of yet others. As I read my friends experience Monday evening and Tuesday as she has put it out I have come to realize that I have not been utilizing some of the greatest tools the Lord has made available to me. I am renewed in my desire to rely more upon Him. Who else can bless the lives of those I love better than anyone else? He knows and loves us individually. He knows what will be best for us and those in our lives, what will bring us the greatest happiness in the long run. If we trust this we are able to experience an inner peace that can not be found any other way.