Lesson Learned...Again.

We have all heard that our past can haunt us. It is true. Whether that past is intentional or unintentional, it will come up. In the case addressed in the title of this entry it is painful. I experienced pain several years ago and cried out in agony to anyone who would lend an ear. Sadly I realize this has happened more than once. Thus the Again part of the title.

There are consequences of every act we make...be it positive or negative. We can not choose when we will face those consequences. Why? Well for two reasons really. One, we are human. Two, the other side is also human. There are two sides to everything, the intended and the taking...

I am learning I can confide really only in Heavenly Father. He is the only being who honestly and wholly understands my heart. My words are inefficient for expressing those things in my heart. Words are as temporal as the feelings behind them. Not only that, but they may be intended one way and taken completely another way. Not because the individual on the other end is trying to ruin you, but because they take in according to the way they have already experienced or perceived. Really it goes both ways.

So I am beginning to understand why it is so important that we try to assume the best in others, forgive them their mistakes and not judge. More importantly we should not express feelings to others no matter how real, no matter how painful. Because tomorrow when we have moved on and forgotten those intense feelings, another that we have shared them with will feel them as new and will express them, reopenning wounds that were scabbed, possibly healed. Thus making it difficult for the offender or offended to move on. I feel like I am in an eternal hell at the moment. Really I can't do anything. My offence has been made and when an apology was made for that is all I really can do It goes on closed ears. I realize and understand what I have done.

Somethings are easier to turn over to the Lord than others. Even when they have been turned over The pain is real. I hate causing another's pain. Really I do.