The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. No I am not pregnant or PMSing, though I would have preferred that for an excuse. Believe me.
As a parent I feel like I have done all that I can to protect my family from the storms that rage outside our home. It was made apparent to me that I was unsuccessful in one point. I experienced anger, rage, tears, feelings of inadequacy as a parent, I questioned if my life was worth living, because there is surely someone out there that would have done better than me.
While all of these emotions were fresh I was offered a blessing. In the blessing I was assured I was where the Lord would have me, and that He was aware of the situation. I was told that there would be divine justice, and then given other words of comfort.
When the blessing closed I did feel comforted, but still felt many intense feelings that I felt were mine to be felt. A couple of days later as I read my scriptures I was reading where Alma the younger was teaching his rebellious son(who later became an amazing missionary) about the plan of salvation. I was reading where the Lord has consequences assigned to our good and bad deeds, and they are irrevocable. In finishing this Alma told his son not to let that worry him, but rather his sins. He needed to let his sins bring him to humility and unto repentance.
While reading that chapter I realized that the Lord will bless my family. If I stay on coarse and continue to raise my children in that coarse. Where I lack, the Lord will take the slack.
Again today as I was reading about the Nephites being attacked by the Lamanites, and how Captain Moroni was able to protect the people by turning to the living prophet for counsel, I realized something more. The Lord has provided me with all of the tools to rise above the crap the world flings at me. If I utilize these tools not only will I be able to protect myself, but I will be more able to protect my family.
So what are the tools that I speak of? First personal prayer and scripture study. Second I am blessed to live in a day with living prophets upon the earth. If I listen to and study their words I will receive direction and inspiration for my family. Third we have been counseled to have family prayer, scripture study and family home evening. As I make time for these things and apply them it does not reassure that we won't be "attacked". However it will help us to be prepared and give us the strength to stand ground during strong storms.
Through all of this I have found more comfort. I have felt the love the Savior has for me and my family. And while I still have my inadequacies and battles to fight there is comfort in knowing that I have the Savior on my side. That He loves me and wants to help me. That He has felt the things I feel and is willing to help me not only carry my burdens, for they are not mine alone to bear, but He is willing to take them.
I am so thankful for the Savior and His sacrifice. I know that He lives. I am so thankful for the completeness of the Plan of Salvation. I know that I am blessed to live in this day and age. I am grateful to participate in the blessing that come with this. In Christ's name. Amen.
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